what a great movie

words of

gold turned into dust.

2 Points

[1] everyone has their mountain of problems and circumstances, and me too. parents' health, my health, family finances, my own red-coloured finances, academic woes, social-relational issues, purpose-in-life dilemna, "loneliness", deep longing and desire, blah blah blah (the list just goes on and on - everyone too) never mention or never breakdown doesn't mean life is good eh~ it is ultimately the Grace of God and that's why i am still sane (the opposite is called insane), why am i still morally upright and socially positive.

[2] feeling lousy about myself is not a self-emo, ttm (i hate this phrase) thingy. it is a multifaceted one. the surroundings, social circle, family, etc plays a part. closer and important people as categorised by the subject plays an even more significant (or detrimental) part. dun everything also "blame" me, cause i know and i know, i have done my best at things and to people that really matter to me - cause that's me, the one who goes all out even at the cost of his everything.

以前

我怀念的

since that day

半情歌

花 接受凋零
风 接受追寻
心的伤还有一些不要紧
我接受你的决定

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空 什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天 有多快乐 不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了 伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格
你的祝福 一半甜的 一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的 总是未完成的
我只能唱着 一半的歌

how i hope that i am

心软的人

my didi

decisions

"busy" is the word i will never get to escape from, but busy is not the issue, but fruitfulness is the issue. so busy with so many things, rush from here to there, rush from this to that. overall, i dun feel i am happy. perhaps it is because of the many other circumstances, but what i know is that i dun really enjoy what i am doing. decisions could be made days ago, weeks ago or even months ago (even years maybe?), but they all resulted in whatever i need to do today.

i so dun wanna work for him, i so wanna go out to various places i wanna go, i so wanna spend time with those i wanna spend lotsa time with, i so wanna do this and that but i am so occupied with the rest that is not fruitful... doesn't reap fruits of joy, doesn't reap fruits of satisfaction, doesn't reap fruits that i want.

no point crying over spilt milk. results are coming out soon, money issue always haunting me... so much more to "worry" about. just hope that my so called "smart" brain can make better and wiser decisions, those that will lead me to happiness, that will lead be to fruitfulness, and even if the going is going to be tough, the fruits are at least sweet~